Parenting dilemma: screen time
As many other parents the question of screen time for the kids is a recurring topic that creates conflicts. Screen time isn’t just screen time. It depends on what is on the screen and whether it is done as a solo or social activity. Of course I struggle with finding the right balance for my kids. Screens aren’t bad in themselves and I have almost built my own life around using computers, so while they shouldn’t necessarily follow that same path, I am more concerned with what they use screens for than how much time.
The guiding principle for me with everything here is being engaged and actively interested in what they are watching. Being non-judgemental by default, be curious and understanding, but also settings limits and educating them in many aspects of the complicated media landscape, like how advertising is manipulating them and how every video can be edited and things aren’t necessarily real.
YouTube
YouTube is by far the most challenging thing to deal with, as it has so much stuff. I think the builtin age restriction features does a good job of keeping out really problematic stuff, but there is still a good amount of slop and hyperactive short reels. They like the various popular Danish YouTubers that everyone else of their age knows as well. It is fairly standard YouTube content with silly stuff like staying in a candy store for 24 hours or dumb sketches. Most of it is mostly harmless, but we make sure to talk with our kids about the commercialisation aspect of those channels and how all the stuff are very much staged and fake. In that regard, I think it is great how many of these channels also do “behind the scenes”-videos showing some of the things that go into making a video. Currently they are mostly into their songs, where they put their headphones on and just run around and play while they sing along. I am okay with that.
Sometimes I scratch my head with what "slop brain rot”-content they can also get hooked at. There is some ASMR type stuff that I can sort of understand in a meditative kind of way. Then there is what I can only describe as hyper-active annoying loud people, which we promptly get them to turn off. Seeing POV videos of someone going on waterslides appears once in a while. Occasionally they will also get hooked on these sort of “quizes” with AI pictures, and they will sit and yell their choices at the tv. The only positive thing I can say about that is at least it engages them a little bit more than pure zombie passive watching.
TV
We try to encourage watching TV together on the couch rather than everyone sitting alone with a tablet. For one thing, it removes the ability to constantly click a “next”-button, which is by the far the worst aspect of YouTube with how it fosters extremely short attention span. Most importantly, it opens up for a more social media consumption experience. Of course we watch Bluey and Peppa Pig, and thankfully both of these shows are decent enough to watch as adults. Especially Bluey is by all metrics a fantastic show for all ages.
The public Danish television station DR has a long tradition of making high quality shows for kids. I really like how it is not the moralising perfect world kind of stuff that we often find in especially American shows on Netflix. Stories a told from kids perspectives, often making fun of the adults and not afraid to cross some lines. One of the favourite series in the household is called Motor Mille og Børnebanden which has a rather hilarious premise with some super grumpy old men who hate kids, were one of them has created a potion that can turn kids instantly into adults. Those freeing the world from annoying noisy kids. Thankfully the star of the show, Motor Mille, gather a group of kids to fight the grumpy old men. Stuff like that is entertaining for kids and adults alike.
If the kids want to watch a movie, I will almost always say yes. In a media landscape with fast paced short content, it can be difficult to engage them with something that demands over an hour of attention. We have good success with some Disney newer movies like Inside Out, and various Danish kids movies. I warmed my heart when I successfully could capture their attention with some Ghibli movies, especially My Neighbor Totoro and Ponyo is something we have seen a couple of times together. When something is well made, it doesn’t need to super fast paced to be magical.
Gaming
Playing games is a thing I will actively encourage as it is not a passive activity and much more social. We usually play on the Nintendo Switch, where the popular titles are Switch Sports, Mario Kart 8 and Yoshi’s Crafted World. All games that allow for several people to play and have fun. I must admit that it isn’t entirely without issues, as games can also be frustrating and therefore result in what all parents dread - the emotional meltdown. In that case it is important to take a break, but more importantly give high praise when they did something they previously failed to do, to foster the notion of practice makes better.
Nintendo is great making games that are really just games, focusing on proper gameplay and not glorified slot machines. Can’t really say the same for mobile game ecosystem. Thankfully, DR have also made some decent mobile games and since it is public service funded, they are free and without micropayments.
Parents will apply different rules and implementations when it comes to their kids screen time, and as long as you have some principle to guide things with, I don’t any of them are inherently wrong. I don’t believe in outright banning something or setting daily time limits. That isn’t the same as limitless. We will say no more today and make them stop watching something of YouTube if we find it problematic in some way. Which is usually if they encounter these extremely loud high energy personalities. But now that spring is here, they often just want to go jumping on the trampoline with their headphones singing along to some silly songs.